Men's Health

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Mutual Self-pleasuring: Things to Consider

Just about every adult male has had some highly personal experience with self-pleasuring. Although some men do claim never to have engaged in sensual self-fondling, they are definitely very much in the minority. Whether a man engages as part of his male organ care routine or whether he simply enjoys the sensations associated with the activity, self-pleasuring is a big part of most men’s lives. Depending on how one defines it, mutual self-pleasuring may not occupy such a large role in most men’s lives - and so there may be many who wish to consider it.

What is it?

What exactly is meant by mutual self-pleasuring? There is some debate on this topic.

To some people, mutual self-pleasuring is defined as two or more people being in the same space, with each one self-stimulating him- or herself or self-stimulating each other. (In the internet age, many people would expand that definition to include people who are not in the same room but who are connected to each other via computer cameras and/or microphones.) In these scenarios, it doesn’t matter whether the individuals keep their touching to themselves or whether they reach out and stroke another individual.

Other people would consider it mutual self-pleasuring only if they stroked each other at least sometimes. (In this case, refraining from touching one another would be simultaneous but not mutual self-pleasuring.) Still others would expand this definition so that it counted as mutual self-pleasuring only if the activity did not also include oral sensual activity or penetration. The thinking behind this last definition is that mutual self-pleasuring combined with oral and penetrative sensual activity falls under the larger umbrella term of "sensual activity" rather than specific mutual self-pleasuring.

For the purposes of this piece, the term will mean two or more people who self-gratify together and for at least part of the time touch each other’s privates. There’s no other form of sensual activity involved in the activity, but instead two people are exploring each other’s bodies through self-pleasuring.

Things to consider

Although many people self-gratify each other as part of pre-play or afterplay, it’s less common for two people to commit to a sensual session that involves only mutual self-pleasuring. For that reason, here are some things a person may want to consider:

- Should rings be worn? This may be of more concern to men than women. When a hand is grasping and stroking rapidly a tumescent member, the presence of a ring can be a distraction or can even, in some cases, cause some little pain.

- Is the partner shaved? More caution may be required when one’s partner does not shave "down there." Fingers (or rings) may get accidentally tangled in hair and cause unintended pain.

- Calluses? Not every guy has smooth hands. When he’s self-fondling himself, that may not matter, but when those hands are all over another person’s privates, it can make a big difference. Using lubricant can make a big difference in how smooth one’s hands feel on another person’s privates.

- How rough? Just because a guy likes his manhood to be handled roughly means that a partner feels the same way about their privates - and that may especially be true of female partners. It’s important to check in and ask if things are too rough, too tame, etc. And those on the receiving end should be willing to speak up and offer guidance or feedback without waiting to be asked.

A guy will enjoy his mutual self-pleasuring experience more if his member is in prime shape to receive attention from a partner. Daily use of a first class male organ health crème (health professionals recommend Man 1 Man Oil, which is clinically proven mild and safe for skin) can help and can make the manhood look better too. Use of a crème with l-arginine, which helps produce nitric oxide, will enable male organ blood vessels to expand more readily. And a crème with alpha lipoic acid, a potent antioxidant, helps strengthen member skin by fighting off excess free radicals.

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